today...when i was inside the ice-ring....i felt that why am i here today...i am not suppose to be here....it makes me remember the memories dat me and her....is really hurt...today i skate alone 4 awhile....i was like skating as fast as i can....and when i hold yijing hands....i remember the time that i hold her hands....skate together....and the first and last time i hug her....all the memories....why am i there....i should not be there...makes me keep on remember her...when i sit down there....feel tired....looking at the ring...makes me remember the scene that is inside the ring....

but now...those are just memories...cus make be the memories be4....all are fake...just a illusion dat is just make me happy...but...i must wake up to face the reality...she is allready other people girlfriend.....is ended....

i have long time didn log in this blog...read other ppl blog...reply cbox...yea...long time.since the the trail exam....so sry to everyone man!!xD

the best friend i have before....i really have fun with him...really enjoy this 2 years with him....cus is a best fren....and also a brother.....because of some matter.....from now....we are not....jia kent...u really change....i really enjoy the old pal i have.....the fren i can really talk alot with....

but now....R.I.P......

august 10....the day that....we end this......
no more frens....i am all ready end all my things....
the reality i have before....now it becomes a dream.....
and not forever i will have it.....

librarian trip....i thought it will be a very fun trip for me and her....the day before the trip....over night at jia kent hse.....he was too happy that suet yi told him dat jeh ying might think about it if he confess to her....he was very hyper dat day.....as well for me....i thought it will be a happy trip...the next day sit wen jun car to school.....and me and her didn talk together at 1st....they all sitting all a group...i didn join her group cus i am not form 4....i am in form 5 group....when the bus arrive....he and she sit together...i thought because of they when up the bus 1st ma...so i was nth lo....she kacau my hair all those....den later...they fell asleep....and they were so close....i starting to feel abit pain....

then later reach to gua tempurung....they were walking with each other....on the way inside the gua....they where at everyone behind....and all the ppl keep on say they pak toh....all those....every single of them say those words is like stabbing a knife in my heart.....is so pain....and after getting out of the gua....they were holding hands and walk together and went up the bus...i feel so emo....and almost cry....i was keep on holding my tears.....y at 1st want to ask me to go to this trip....i am from far looking at both of u.....looking at the 1 i love and the friend of mine together.....and at the waterpark....i was injurt...my face had a scratch....u didn feel anything....i do really wan u to come over a comfort me....and i was looking at you both holding hands...having fun together....i feel i have lost in a dark place.....i saw u.....u are the one who take me in this dark place...and left me there......after the whole thing and kimberly keep on say that this car had alot of couple....i really pain.....i am not strong....after the trip...when i was at my room taking the cloth out of my bag....my tears suddenly came out from my eyes....that time....i feel dat no one listen my voice....parents scould me because i hurt my face....all they do is scould at me....i call someone...they all are all busy....y something like dat will happen on me....

i feel like i have at the end of her world.....

i have long time didn come here and blog.....long time....since exam till now....

till holiday....remember is her b'day......dat day....i was really happy....she was really like everything dat i do for her....haha......until that friday.....we going out to sunway piramid.....yes...when we are walking to the bowling area....i duno wat to talk to her......yea...the movie....the archering....and the skate...but at the same time....i saw she msg-ing him.....i really feel dat....even thought i didn really see who was that....is like....i was making a fake face infront of her dat time.....but den.....i really wan to have the best moment with her dat day......yea.....i dun think we will be couple at all.....from the very start.....she has allready told me that....we are not suppose to be together...because of religion......it was the day i really enjoy.....i hug her.....i almost have tear in my eyes dat time....cus it will be the 1st time i hug her and also the last time to hug her.....come back home.....chatting with her at msn....she say that she was sms-ing him...but i feel abit pain la....but just abit...cus i am glad that she tell me who he is........

den sunday.....me,yuen hee,xin wei,wen jun have outing....at 1st.....is ok la....we are talking.....but then...later....they keep on run away from me and jia kent.....i really tired to chase them....haha...wat am i doing.....writing some stupid thing here....haha....that time,they went to wong kok and eat.....actually i wasnt tired.....i am starting to get emo....they are talking....and the same feeling come back.....being left out......but thanks to yuen hee....kick me...haha....make me back to myself abit....now a days i really feel dat she also like me...or maybe i am just being paranoid again..haha..yes..i was really scare of losing her..but....i cant do anything to force her to like me.....just wait or just wait for her to say again that she dont like me.......

thusday....went to school.....en.zaidi annouce dat all the performers go to dewan to have raptai....dat day...i feel so malu...i went to dewan...no one tell me that i was not performing....until i saw kenneth...i ask him...because y jeh ying and suet yi they all are not down here yet...so i ask him...izit i have been cancel from this hari guru??but is also hard to tell that a friend of your are not enter...i know that he has that type of feeling...but he just say to me dat he is sorry.....nvm...is not his fault also....then i slowly walk out of the dewan....that day....i have been very down.....i was pretent to be ok....but i side there....is bleeding non-stop....but lucky....no one notice me....cus i have been left out....they didn see my ugly face.....rehat that time...i walk down....i pass something to pn.cheong..den suet yi tell me we are not in....i tell her in know...but i thought they will cheer me or wat la.....but they are keep on toking to them and ones again i am not been notice....haiz.....sometimes...being strong...is a very hard thing....i am always pretent to be hard....sometimes....i wan to just....quit everything....i wan to end this world....cus this road.....is far and very hard to walk on....but...at the same time....i saw china there having much much more serious problem then i am having.....

their sadness....pain....and fear.....i feel so guilty....when i saw them....everytime when i saw this....i tell myself....dun give chee guan...u are much more better den them....but i cant help them a single thing....i wanted to help out.....hope that everyone in this world...will live with their love ones....

audition...

today....audition....i represent krs to sing 2 songs.....1 is kenangan terindah and follow by superman....this two song cant combine together....cus it will be like not nice la.....but they wan it....so ok lo....while i was practicing....i saw wen jun and yuen hee then are dancing....dat time i was thinking alot of things.....but seriously.....dat time....i cant say a word......is like.....i duno what should i say now too.....then later in my turn......teacher say that my slang of BM is very sux.....and say...u got go for BM tuition ah?the others also like u pass ur BM ah??that time....i was laughing...but inside is so hurt....i know...i am bad in BM....but y u need to say something like that??cus it really hurts.....say my slang is like english and sing like chinese style.....that 1 is ok la....but that i really cant tahan....den after the teacher give their oppinion on me....i quickly go back and train my slang....then when jeh ying play their piano....teacher give those oppinion is like...WTF?!they play until so good and u say that they will say is boring.....even yan shan also say that....then they just ask me to come out....they say they wan me to sing for chinese society....and sing tong hua....now i am thinking of changing song...i hope teacher will let us change la.....cus is like...cant just give me a chance??in just 15 min u wan me to change my style and slang of my singing....is very hard...but i really done it....just i am lack of chance.....

now i finally know....why those people that audition or has enter duno how many round and been kick out and even cry....now i am the 1 who really test it....it's really hurt alot.....when back to class.....i fail my Bm...my Add.Math....my Sej....i think i going to fail my moral also....that time....i went outside of my class....i came out and cool down myself....but those noise in my class....the feeling been left out.....i cant hold my own tears.....it came out.......let khin xian them know that i cry.....i hate to cry...i hate to let others saw i cry......but why...everything that i duwan it to happens it happens!!?!my family...my friends....and her.......i hate to be in this world......no one will can about me.....no one will love me......i am just empty......the only thing i still have now is....music.....why all this happen on me?

...why......

Is a wed...i forgot when was it adi....i think is...nvm....hui ee them toking during i am having my account tuition....after i finish.....

we went up and chat lo...den they were toking about me and her....i am just acting that i duno and i am nothing about it all ready.....when i having the tuition 4 add math..

i scare that day i cant really like last time to face her.....how.......that day....will it be like those days in school??will she talk to me that day??my mind has been take over by this problem.....

the teacher also say that....what happen??normally when i was at her class...i was very active....
but that day...duno y....very emo or what........
cant concerntrate on it.....
someone really need to save me....
i duwan to fail any subject anymore......
pls....help me....
................

aih.....Bm and Sej fail adi......really scare i cant pass my SPM.......
i am really...really....scare.....

exam....sejarah....haiz.....duno a single thing....the whole day i was like...scratching my head
.....den sleep........zzzZZZzzzz......going to fail sejarah adi......someone help me in sejarah....

and 2day saw her sitting in group...at the library with wei nian.....but she was like so quiet sitting there.....i thought wen jun will go there and chat with her or something...be they didn.....i just looking at her......i mean not obvious type.....and teaching daphney math....if i go there , what should i say to her??end up didn talk to her......

so all of us when to canteen to have some junk food....then she came down with suet yi.....i didn have a single word with her from library till we leave.......at the time we wanted to leave.....jia kent ask me go and help her to carry her things........i was like still stoning there....thinking how should i ask her....den i just say....i help u to carry la....but lucky she didn give me those face or wat la....then i wei nian car came.....then i just went back home with wei nian's car.....

haiz....sat bai.....

today...didn have a chance to online....because of studying....

later after sue yi and tse hui went back....me , jia kent , yee zhian and yu jie talk about girlfrend all those thing....that time we really have no more secret......i tell them....i really like yuen hee alot....she is the 1st girl that i ever feel she is so deep inside me.....they say that we are quite secocok....and say that he also can feel she like me too.....i was feeling happy at that moment....but i know this thing now.....is too late....cus wen jun like her too....he told me that he like her too.....and now they were so close to each other......sumtimes when i saw her with other guys....sometimes really feel....i think it should be jealous i think....but....i think i have been slowly step by step walk out of her range.....or slowly been left out.....

hope she was happy at this moment now.....=)

today...exam day....don't know how to do BM....the novel and the others i didn read....think i was going to fail my bm another time...haiz...

today was like whole day study...study and study....tuition non-stop...haiz...my mind was going to explode if i add in another subject....

atnight...right after i finish taking my bath....i tok to her....told her y i was avoiding her....cus i still like her....aih...but she in also having some problems now....she told me that she was being ignore and say that she always flirt....but lucky i help her release abit of stress right after she finish her bathing...let her watch all those funny video...but i was satisfied....when she was sad or down....i can cheer her up.....some of them might think i was stupid or wat....but....i really cant forget her....i really really love her....long time since the last conversation dat we laugh till so happy....

how much love....that i cant say it out,

maybe because of me....that makes u suffer so much,

I,be the one who suffer....

is better then letting you suffer....

I willing to suffer for you....I wish u happy every single day,

and let me carry the sad and pain for you....

if i really made u unhappy sometimes....

I am here to say that...i am sorry.....

2day the whole day....staying at class....alone...same feeling....those cold....listening to those laugh and noisy.....makes me almost wanted to cry....but i didn...lucky i went to toilet....and wash my face....keep on thinking if this world without me....it will be the same....if somedays....i died....will anyone cry for me....or even notice me??.....

2day...just saw her with wen jun....because when i saw her....those feeling dat i cant express came again makes me wanted to avoid her....i think i cant talk to her face to face....maybe is because i like her....she is deep inside me....i cant froget it.....

talking to her now...i have those feel...feeling happy....cus everytime on9 sure saw her away....well...is already satisfied for me....haha...

another blog....dat i should put this as emo...sad...unhappy...everything that i feeling sad or others...think i will post it here....if i give u this blog url....means i really trust u....pls...dun tell others...i really mean that....i dun feel like being betray again by my friends...i have being betray 2 times...i am a guy dat dun easily trust frens around me now.....even jia kent i dun tell......cus he is not the same guy as last time anymore....and pls dun link me....

well...sad.....i was kinda avoiding her.....because...i duno how to tell out this feeling...maybe is because dat i scare....cant face her.....but when i saw her with that face......makes me more.....haiz...cant express my own feeling also.....