thusday....went to school.....en.zaidi annouce dat all the performers go to dewan to have raptai....dat day...i feel so malu...i went to dewan...no one tell me that i was not performing....until i saw kenneth...i ask him...because y jeh ying and suet yi they all are not down here yet...so i ask him...izit i have been cancel from this hari guru??but is also hard to tell that a friend of your are not enter...i know that he has that type of feeling...but he just say to me dat he is sorry.....nvm...is not his fault also....then i slowly walk out of the dewan....that day....i have been very down.....i was pretent to be ok....but i side there....is bleeding non-stop....but lucky....no one notice me....cus i have been left out....they didn see my ugly face.....rehat that time...i walk down....i pass something to pn.cheong..den suet yi tell me we are not in....i tell her in know...but i thought they will cheer me or wat la.....but they are keep on toking to them and ones again i am not been notice....haiz.....sometimes...being strong...is a very hard thing....i am always pretent to be hard....sometimes....i wan to just....quit everything....i wan to end this world....cus this road.....is far and very hard to walk on....but...at the same time....i saw china there having much much more serious problem then i am having.....

their sadness....pain....and fear.....i feel so guilty....when i saw them....everytime when i saw this....i tell myself....dun give chee guan...u are much more better den them....but i cant help them a single thing....i wanted to help out.....hope that everyone in this world...will live with their love ones....

audition...

today....audition....i represent krs to sing 2 songs.....1 is kenangan terindah and follow by superman....this two song cant combine together....cus it will be like not nice la.....but they wan it....so ok lo....while i was practicing....i saw wen jun and yuen hee then are dancing....dat time i was thinking alot of things.....but seriously.....dat time....i cant say a word......is like.....i duno what should i say now too.....then later in my turn......teacher say that my slang of BM is very sux.....and say...u got go for BM tuition ah?the others also like u pass ur BM ah??that time....i was laughing...but inside is so hurt....i know...i am bad in BM....but y u need to say something like that??cus it really hurts.....say my slang is like english and sing like chinese style.....that 1 is ok la....but that i really cant tahan....den after the teacher give their oppinion on me....i quickly go back and train my slang....then when jeh ying play their piano....teacher give those oppinion is like...WTF?!they play until so good and u say that they will say is boring.....even yan shan also say that....then they just ask me to come out....they say they wan me to sing for chinese society....and sing tong hua....now i am thinking of changing song...i hope teacher will let us change la.....cus is like...cant just give me a chance??in just 15 min u wan me to change my style and slang of my singing....is very hard...but i really done it....just i am lack of chance.....

now i finally know....why those people that audition or has enter duno how many round and been kick out and even cry....now i am the 1 who really test it....it's really hurt alot.....when back to class.....i fail my Bm...my Add.Math....my Sej....i think i going to fail my moral also....that time....i went outside of my class....i came out and cool down myself....but those noise in my class....the feeling been left out.....i cant hold my own tears.....it came out.......let khin xian them know that i cry.....i hate to cry...i hate to let others saw i cry......but why...everything that i duwan it to happens it happens!!?!my family...my friends....and her.......i hate to be in this world......no one will can about me.....no one will love me......i am just empty......the only thing i still have now is....music.....why all this happen on me?

...why......

Is a wed...i forgot when was it adi....i think is...nvm....hui ee them toking during i am having my account tuition....after i finish.....

we went up and chat lo...den they were toking about me and her....i am just acting that i duno and i am nothing about it all ready.....when i having the tuition 4 add math..

i scare that day i cant really like last time to face her.....how.......that day....will it be like those days in school??will she talk to me that day??my mind has been take over by this problem.....

the teacher also say that....what happen??normally when i was at her class...i was very active....
but that day...duno y....very emo or what........
cant concerntrate on it.....
someone really need to save me....
i duwan to fail any subject anymore......
pls....help me....
................

aih.....Bm and Sej fail adi......really scare i cant pass my SPM.......
i am really...really....scare.....

exam....sejarah....haiz.....duno a single thing....the whole day i was like...scratching my head
.....den sleep........zzzZZZzzzz......going to fail sejarah adi......someone help me in sejarah....

and 2day saw her sitting in group...at the library with wei nian.....but she was like so quiet sitting there.....i thought wen jun will go there and chat with her or something...be they didn.....i just looking at her......i mean not obvious type.....and teaching daphney math....if i go there , what should i say to her??end up didn talk to her......

so all of us when to canteen to have some junk food....then she came down with suet yi.....i didn have a single word with her from library till we leave.......at the time we wanted to leave.....jia kent ask me go and help her to carry her things........i was like still stoning there....thinking how should i ask her....den i just say....i help u to carry la....but lucky she didn give me those face or wat la....then i wei nian car came.....then i just went back home with wei nian's car.....

haiz....sat bai.....

today...didn have a chance to online....because of studying....

later after sue yi and tse hui went back....me , jia kent , yee zhian and yu jie talk about girlfrend all those thing....that time we really have no more secret......i tell them....i really like yuen hee alot....she is the 1st girl that i ever feel she is so deep inside me.....they say that we are quite secocok....and say that he also can feel she like me too.....i was feeling happy at that moment....but i know this thing now.....is too late....cus wen jun like her too....he told me that he like her too.....and now they were so close to each other......sumtimes when i saw her with other guys....sometimes really feel....i think it should be jealous i think....but....i think i have been slowly step by step walk out of her range.....or slowly been left out.....

hope she was happy at this moment now.....=)

today...exam day....don't know how to do BM....the novel and the others i didn read....think i was going to fail my bm another time...haiz...

today was like whole day study...study and study....tuition non-stop...haiz...my mind was going to explode if i add in another subject....

atnight...right after i finish taking my bath....i tok to her....told her y i was avoiding her....cus i still like her....aih...but she in also having some problems now....she told me that she was being ignore and say that she always flirt....but lucky i help her release abit of stress right after she finish her bathing...let her watch all those funny video...but i was satisfied....when she was sad or down....i can cheer her up.....some of them might think i was stupid or wat....but....i really cant forget her....i really really love her....long time since the last conversation dat we laugh till so happy....

how much love....that i cant say it out,

maybe because of me....that makes u suffer so much,

I,be the one who suffer....

is better then letting you suffer....

I willing to suffer for you....I wish u happy every single day,

and let me carry the sad and pain for you....

if i really made u unhappy sometimes....

I am here to say that...i am sorry.....