after viewing jia kents video dat he made...year 2009...i found that i am not inside that video...i thought i am very close to him...i mean...i have started to getting closer to him...but...after watching his video...i only know that....i am just still at the same spot...or gap did not get any closer...but u have starting to walk your own path....

our gap has already reach very far....i cant see u anymore....u have ur collegemates,ur best friend....i always wanted to be one of ur best friend...we cant even really talk that much anymore like last time...i am trying my best to make the friendship we have to last time...but i know that..i am trying make the thing like before...

i know...maybe from this second onwards...if i am not in ur life...i think it doesnt change anything also....but all wan to say is....i dont know that u treat me as ur best friends anot....but i will tell u that...u will always be my no.1 best friend always...no matter wat happen....this best buddy friendship to me will not change...

best friend forever....

today...when i was inside the ice-ring....i felt that why am i here today...i am not suppose to be here....it makes me remember the memories dat me and her....is really hurt...today i skate alone 4 awhile....i was like skating as fast as i can....and when i hold yijing hands....i remember the time that i hold her hands....skate together....and the first and last time i hug her....all the memories....why am i there....i should not be there...makes me keep on remember her...when i sit down there....feel tired....looking at the ring...makes me remember the scene that is inside the ring....

but now...those are just memories...cus make be the memories be4....all are fake...just a illusion dat is just make me happy...but...i must wake up to face the reality...she is allready other people girlfriend.....is ended....

i have long time didn log in this blog...read other ppl blog...reply cbox...yea...long time.since the the trail exam....so sry to everyone man!!xD

the best friend i have before....i really have fun with him...really enjoy this 2 years with him....cus is a best fren....and also a brother.....because of some matter.....from now....we are not....jia kent...u really change....i really enjoy the old pal i have.....the fren i can really talk alot with....

but now....R.I.P......

august 10....the day that....we end this......
no more frens....i am all ready end all my things....
the reality i have before....now it becomes a dream.....
and not forever i will have it.....

librarian trip....i thought it will be a very fun trip for me and her....the day before the trip....over night at jia kent hse.....he was too happy that suet yi told him dat jeh ying might think about it if he confess to her....he was very hyper dat day.....as well for me....i thought it will be a happy trip...the next day sit wen jun car to school.....and me and her didn talk together at 1st....they all sitting all a group...i didn join her group cus i am not form 4....i am in form 5 group....when the bus arrive....he and she sit together...i thought because of they when up the bus 1st ma...so i was nth lo....she kacau my hair all those....den later...they fell asleep....and they were so close....i starting to feel abit pain....

then later reach to gua tempurung....they were walking with each other....on the way inside the gua....they where at everyone behind....and all the ppl keep on say they pak toh....all those....every single of them say those words is like stabbing a knife in my heart.....is so pain....and after getting out of the gua....they were holding hands and walk together and went up the bus...i feel so emo....and almost cry....i was keep on holding my tears.....y at 1st want to ask me to go to this trip....i am from far looking at both of u.....looking at the 1 i love and the friend of mine together.....and at the waterpark....i was injurt...my face had a scratch....u didn feel anything....i do really wan u to come over a comfort me....and i was looking at you both holding hands...having fun together....i feel i have lost in a dark place.....i saw u.....u are the one who take me in this dark place...and left me there......after the whole thing and kimberly keep on say that this car had alot of couple....i really pain.....i am not strong....after the trip...when i was at my room taking the cloth out of my bag....my tears suddenly came out from my eyes....that time....i feel dat no one listen my voice....parents scould me because i hurt my face....all they do is scould at me....i call someone...they all are all busy....y something like dat will happen on me....

i feel like i have at the end of her world.....

i have long time didn come here and blog.....long time....since exam till now....

till holiday....remember is her b'day......dat day....i was really happy....she was really like everything dat i do for her....haha......until that friday.....we going out to sunway piramid.....yes...when we are walking to the bowling area....i duno wat to talk to her......yea...the movie....the archering....and the skate...but at the same time....i saw she msg-ing him.....i really feel dat....even thought i didn really see who was that....is like....i was making a fake face infront of her dat time.....but den.....i really wan to have the best moment with her dat day......yea.....i dun think we will be couple at all.....from the very start.....she has allready told me that....we are not suppose to be together...because of religion......it was the day i really enjoy.....i hug her.....i almost have tear in my eyes dat time....cus it will be the 1st time i hug her and also the last time to hug her.....come back home.....chatting with her at msn....she say that she was sms-ing him...but i feel abit pain la....but just abit...cus i am glad that she tell me who he is........

den sunday.....me,yuen hee,xin wei,wen jun have outing....at 1st.....is ok la....we are talking.....but then...later....they keep on run away from me and jia kent.....i really tired to chase them....haha...wat am i doing.....writing some stupid thing here....haha....that time,they went to wong kok and eat.....actually i wasnt tired.....i am starting to get emo....they are talking....and the same feeling come back.....being left out......but thanks to yuen hee....kick me...haha....make me back to myself abit....now a days i really feel dat she also like me...or maybe i am just being paranoid again..haha..yes..i was really scare of losing her..but....i cant do anything to force her to like me.....just wait or just wait for her to say again that she dont like me.......

thusday....went to school.....en.zaidi annouce dat all the performers go to dewan to have raptai....dat day...i feel so malu...i went to dewan...no one tell me that i was not performing....until i saw kenneth...i ask him...because y jeh ying and suet yi they all are not down here yet...so i ask him...izit i have been cancel from this hari guru??but is also hard to tell that a friend of your are not enter...i know that he has that type of feeling...but he just say to me dat he is sorry.....nvm...is not his fault also....then i slowly walk out of the dewan....that day....i have been very down.....i was pretent to be ok....but i side there....is bleeding non-stop....but lucky....no one notice me....cus i have been left out....they didn see my ugly face.....rehat that time...i walk down....i pass something to pn.cheong..den suet yi tell me we are not in....i tell her in know...but i thought they will cheer me or wat la.....but they are keep on toking to them and ones again i am not been notice....haiz.....sometimes...being strong...is a very hard thing....i am always pretent to be hard....sometimes....i wan to just....quit everything....i wan to end this world....cus this road.....is far and very hard to walk on....but...at the same time....i saw china there having much much more serious problem then i am having.....

their sadness....pain....and fear.....i feel so guilty....when i saw them....everytime when i saw this....i tell myself....dun give chee guan...u are much more better den them....but i cant help them a single thing....i wanted to help out.....hope that everyone in this world...will live with their love ones....